Self-Esteem:
A Core Driver of Success or Failure in our Personal and Professional Lives
by Jaime Jusidman
At the age of 70, David Silverman is a very successful business man in Mexico City. David is a self-made multimillionaire, who built one of the largest consumer product corporations in Mexico, and is a major exporter of hardware tools to the USA and Latin America. His company’s brand is one of the most widely recognized in Mexico and his products are carried at the Home Depot and other major hardware chains throughout the USA. He has all of the material things he’s ever wanted or dreamed of. He owns a beautiful condominium in one of the most expensive buildings in Mexico City, an ocean front villa in the South of France, and an expansive penthouse overlooking Central Park in what is considered the most expensive building in New York City. He sails the world in his private yacht with a personal chef who indulges him with the most spectacular meals. David is a wine connoisseur and only drinks the best wines. He also enjoys art and has accumulated an art collection worth more than $10 million. He is a philanthropist and has donated large sums of money in his own name to a number of organizations in Israel, Mexico, and the USA.
The last time I met with him, we met for breakfast at a very trendy restaurant on La Reforma Avenue in Mexico City. While sitting with him and conversing, I was surprised by how many statements he made that seemed to be motivated by his need to be seen by others as relevant, powerful, valuable, and successful. In spite of all his success, he was still looking for recognition and admiration from others to validate his own self-worth. He is the perfect example of what I would refer to as an INDIRECT SELF-ACCEPTANCE ADDICT (ISAA).
As I reflect on over 30 years as an executive coach, I can easily say that most of us have a bit of this addiction. I don’t mean this in a negative way, but as a statement that describes one of the most important psychological forces behind human behavior. Self-acceptance is the outcome of the way we view ourselves in comparison to others – an expression of our self-esteem. It’s the image we carry of ourselves, an image with a long history, a picture that has developed from the very beginning of our existence, which is influenced by both genetics and socialization processes, and continues to be reinforced throughout our lives. Unfortunately, this socialization process comes with an inherent cost of diminished self-acceptance and implicit low self-image. This cost is related to the sacrifices we are expected to make in order to fit in with groups that help us build a sense of identity. These boundaries, norms, limits, and expectations, which are placed on us by others so that we can be accepted, loved, or respected, fundamentally infringe on our natural sense of well-being. In order to counter these effects, we engage in behaviors that seem to increase or protect our self-worth.