Sometimes it hurts.

It takes just a phone call to let others know that they are on your mind.

It takes just a phone call to show respect for someone.

It takes just a phone call to let others know that you care.

It takes just a phone call to say: thank you for your efforts.

It takes just a phone call to make someone feel worthwhile.

It takes just a phone call to make someone feel visible.

In a world where people are feeling uncertain about their futures, where people are losing their jobs, their homes, and where people are looking for means to provide for their families, in a world where we all feel some level of vulnerability, it takes just a phone call to make a difference.

We live in a society where digital communication has transformed the way we interact with each other. People are bombarded by emails  24/7. Reacting to this constant influx of information is very time consuming and, as a result, we scrutinize everything to avoid finding our “inbox” full of garbage.  The unfortunate outcome of this behavior is that we are losing some of our ability to empathize to others.  We are becoming more desensitized and detached from those we care about,  and unknowingly paying the price.

During a presentation to a group of 50 senior managers I asked a simple question: How long does it take for you to return a phone call from a friend who lost their job, a colleague in need of help, or a vendor who is following up on a proposal they sent in response to your  request? Not to my surprise, the average response time was 8 to 10 days and some even admitted to not returning the calls at all. There were plenty of excuses: being very busy, too many things in their mind, the purpose of the call was not very important to them, or that they did not have anything new to report.

All excuses may sound reasonable from their perspective, but what about the other side? What is the impact you leave on others when you disregard their call? Maybe the excuse was acceptable the first time, but  what about the second time, or third time?  What does that say about you? What does it say about your level of empathy and respect for others efforts? What does it do to your credibility?

If you think about it, you have probably been on the other side, too –the side that reached out and wants to hear from a friend, a family member, a client, or a colleague. Next time you hesitate to return a phone call, take a moment to put yourself back in those shoes and remember how it feels not to get that call back.

As human beings we have a need to feel included, relevant, valued, respected and loved. Those needs became more acute in times of uncertainty and vulnerability, when the loss of self-worth is linked to the loss of jobs, the loss of homes, the loss of retirement savings and, for some, the loss of dreams.  Where depression is not just an economical description but also a prevailing emotional condition in our society.

So, back to the beginning: it just takes a phone call to make someone feel better. It just takes a phone call to maintain a relationship. It just takes a phone call to maintain your credibility at work, with friends and family, and as a leader. It just takes a phone call to gain the loyalty and respect of others.

Don’t postpone, don’t avoid, don’t make excuses…just pick up the phone and call.

About 20 years ago, I was visiting one of my mentors, Robert Tannenbaum (RIP).  As we engaged in our conversation, a simple to understand model to describe the relationship that exists between employers and employees started to emerge.  As we discussed the model further, we came to realize that it was valid for any relationship ~ boss/subordinate, friend to friend, parent to child, husband to wife, etc.  Last week as I sat in my office that conversation came to mind.  Something about what I see around me in the way most people or most of us deal with the current financial situation. Crisis made me bring this model into the present day.

I’d like to share this simple model and reflect with you on what it means in our current turbulent times.

In any relationship, there is an exchange between the parties.  One party asks and the other party gives.  No matter what, there is always an exchange.  The balance or the reciprocity defines the quality of the relationship and also the long-term sustainability of it.  Four different dynamics of exchange take place:

First – Ask a lot and give little – One of the parties asks a lot but gives little, this means that the party may be going through a crisis or difficulty and requires more from the giving party to maintain stability and viability while the giving party may have a certain amount of resources available to provide and sustain the asking party.  This relationship has a short sustainability.  The party that gives may feel depleted and resentful from this imbalance and often feel “used” by the asking party.

Second:  Ask little, give a lot – The giving party gets a sense of worth and loyalty by excessive giving without requesting much in return from the receiving party.  This generates a sense of entitlement with the receiving party who may become disenchanted and angry when the goods stop flowing in their direction. This relationship also has a short sustainability.

Third:  Ask little, give little – Both parties are focused in their own needs and requirements without much engagement with each other for support and assistance.  The relationship tends to diffuse as the parties have not invested much in one another and there is no accountability for each others well being.  This relationship has a short sustainability.

Four:  Ask a lot and give a lot – In this relationship, there is a balance of giving and receiving by both parties.  It describes a perfect interdependency that fosters long-term relationships.

Now take a few moments to reflect and ask yourself what kind of a relationship do you have with your friends, husband/wife, children and at work?  What kind of manager, leader or supervisor are you working for?  Remember, if you feel depleted, resentful or simply oblivious, you are not in a sustainable relationship.

What kind of organization do you work for? One that asks a lot and gives a little?  One that asks little and gives a lot?  One that asks a little and gives a little?  Or do you work in an organization that asks a lot of you but you also give a lot in return?